The Comparison Trap Part 1: Gifts

“Sometimes we wonder why God is blessing others more than us. Maybe what we view as God’s reluctance to bless us is actually His willingness to protect us.“

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“…He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”

Matthew 5:45

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Our culture loves to play the comparison game. Media pits us against each other. Marketing tells us we are not as trendy as our peers. The fitness industry shows us that everyone doing their workout looks better than us. There is no shortage of people and things convincing us that we need to be different in order to achieve some desired result. Often we are made to feel like our lives are not as good as other people’s because of something we are lacking. We can even begin to feel like we are being punished for not being as good as someone else.

It is easy to compare ourselves with other people, even with other Christians. Sometimes we wonder why God is blessing others and not us. The reality is, He is blessing us, in numerous ways, but maybe not in the specific way we are hoping He will.

We may look around us and see good things happening to people that we view as undeserving. Meanwhile, we are arguing with God saying, “I’m a Christian. I’m following you. I’m serving you. I’m praying to you. That person over there isn’t even a believer. Why are they being showered with luxury while I’m struggling? Why do you love them more than me?”

Your neighbor got the newer, bigger SUV. Your classmate received the coveted scholarship. Your coworker got the promotion instead of you. Your friend is pregnant…again…while you have been struggling for years. These feelings of disappointment are real, and they can be heavy. At times, it can seem as if God is blessing others more than us. But that simply is not the case.

“When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?'”

John 21:21

In John 21:20-23, Jesus puts comparison to a halt when Peter tries to compare himself to another disciple. “What is that to you?”, asks Jesus, “You must follow me.”

Do not look around at others in envy and ask “What about them?” Comparison is the thief of joy and, if we are not careful, it can become a trap.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Theodore Roosevelt

We need to remember that God knows all of us personally and intimately. He knows just the right ways to communicate with us. He knows what is good for us and He knows what would be bad for us. The thing we are asking for may be something that would actually cause us great harm. Maybe what we view as God’s reluctance to bless us is actually His willingness to protect us.

“Maybe what we view as God’s reluctance to bless us is actually His willingness to protect us.”

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Don’t Send Flowers

When my wife and I first started dating, I made the mistake of buying her flowers. I call it a mistake because, as I would soon find out, she didn’t really like flowers. I made the incorrect assumption that all girls loved receiving flowers. I blame that on Hollywood. Thankfully, my wife’s kindness is unlimited and her grace abundant. She gracefully told me that, while she appreciated the gesture, she did not particularly like flowers, thus relieving me from that duty in the future.

It’s the thought that counts, I guess, but I now know that I do not need to be thinking about gifting flowers any longer. Over the years, I have learned other ways that I can bless my wife that are more meaningful to her than bouquets that wither in the windowsill.

God may not show His love to one person the same way He does to another. He shows His love in different and unique ways because we are different and unique people. We all respond differently to acts of affection. Gary Chapman has explained this in detail in all of his books and resources on “The 5 Love Languages”.

According to Dr. Chapman, people show love in the following five ways:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Physical Touch
• Acts of Service
• and Receiving Gifts.

In order to really connect, we need to be speaking the other person’s “language”. God knows how to speak to us in the way we communicate best, because He knows us best.

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Good Gifts

We all have different “love languages” and different ideas of what are considered a blessings.
God knows exactly what makes us tick. He doesn’t give us bad gifts because He already knows what we need. God knows us better than we know ourselves. If you aren’t receiving the thing you are praying for, it could mean that God knows you well enough to know it would be a bad gift.

If you aren’t receiving the thing you are praying for, it could mean that God knows you well enough to know it would be a bad gift.

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How many times have you purchased something that you thought you really wanted, only to regret it later? I have been disappointed numerous times when buying things online, sight unseen. Buyer’s remorse is real! Well, God doesn’t get gifter’s remorse because He knows exactly what to give, and when to give it.

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Matthew 7:9-11

God is giving us gifts. Good gifts. By definition, gifts are things we do not earn. They are given freely out of love. If God were to give us only the things we could earn, then we would receive nothing, for we cannot even come close to satisfying a Holy God. Actually, if God gave us what we deserved, we would be given condemnation. Therefore, I am grateful that He gives me what I need, rather than what I deserve.

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

Romans 3:23

You may be looking around and seeing God giving the people around you flowers. That might make you tempted to think He loves them more than you. That is not true. The truth is that you don’t want flowers, you just haven’t realized it yet. God is going to give you abundantly more than flowers. Something longer lasting. Something eternal. He may just be waiting for you to trust Him to deliver the right gift at the right time.

God loves all of us. But more importantly, He loves each and every one of us. He loves us individually. God does not play favorites. He causes the sun to rise on both the evil and the good. That is grace. It can’t be counted or compared.

“Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

“Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Luke 12:22-34

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What About You?

What is your love language?

Do you know your partner’s love language? If not, what can you do to discover what it is?

What areas of your life are you most susceptible to the comparison trap? Work? Possessions? Relationships?

What is something you prayed for in the past that, in hindsight, you are glad you did not receive?

What will you do to remind yourself daily that God loves you in a unique way?

2.12.24

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